Holy crap, these things just jumped out at me as I was reading about others' experiences with toxic parents.

She doesn't have as much time or opportunity to pretend to be the hero rescuing my children (which means one has to play the role of a victim she can focus her attention on and then someone else gets to be singled out as the bad guy).

That is what they are doing!! Holy crap! They are trying to pretend to be the hero, rescuing C!

I broke off all communications with my parents last year. They are both toxic individuals towards me. Yet I still keep yearning for a relationship with them. I'll be honest here, there were some terrible times with them but there were some good times too. I can't understand why I still want to see them or hear from them. Am I a glutton for punishment? They are both in their seventies now and let's face it won't be around for ever. I tried to talk to them about my "recovery" and was told that I was mentally ill and always had been. Deep inside I wish I had a "normal" family but am coming to the realization that this won't happen. Yet, I wish

That is exactly how I feel.


1) You Aren't Responsible For What Your Parents Did To You As a Child, They Are
2) You Are Responsible For What You Do With Your Life Now, Your Parents Aren't

I need to GET THIS. They are not responsible for what I do with my life. Therefore, they not only have no say but have no right to have an opinion about it.


Acceptance. This is how it is.

Not how it:
was
might have been
should have been

Not how I:
want it to be
hoped it would be
planned it to be

I accept that this is how it is.
And now I will get on with my life in a positive way.

Like anything else. The ability to cope with toxic parents and accepting that you cannot change their behaviors….takes practice. And this practice may not produce visible results for quite some time. However, ridding yourself of the fallout (the negative emotions) from dealing with toxic parents:

• the anger
• the depression
• the frustration
• the sadness

will hopefully provide enough incentive necessary to accept and move on with your life. One statement. One step. At a time.

And, a link to read over and over again:

http://www.brighthill.net/innerchild/toxic_parents.htm